Happy > Sad.

So, I'm feeling really good about my photography these days.  Business has picked up this month, and I'm feeling pretty confident about myself and my skills.  After doing some research (it's not spying when it's right there on the internet for all to see!), I've come to the conclusion that what I do for the price I do it for is completely unique.  Sure there are a lot of people who do something similar but it's all either overpriced or under-skilled.  So, yeah, feeling pretty good about what I'm doing and where it's going.  Now, if I could only get over my social self-consciousness..

...

I celebrated my birthday on my actual birthday (Wednesday), which, in hindsight, was a bad idea and completely unnecessary.  Should have just done the same thing but on Thursday so that Timm didn't have to switch his schedule around.  It was a good day and I had a good time.  But I did come to some disheartening conclusions, that have been developing for a long time- years, really- about friendship and what it means, and what I expect it to look like.  I mean, I know I am far from perfect, far from the perfect friend to others, and that no one at all is perfect really.  And I don't expect my friends to be perfect, either.  But I do expect a friend to meet me halfway, to put as much effort into the relationship as I do, and to want to be around me just to be around me- not because they want something from me or only for so long as I can improve their "image"- to be a friend all the time, not just when it's convenient.  And I feel like I spent my birthday with those people.  And one person in particular who was not there, is not one of those people.  And that was a really difficult thing for me to swallow and that I have been trying to ignore for YEARS, but I am finally letting it sink in.  I am being extremely vague and it is confusing even to me just to go back and try to reread what I've written.  I haven't quite organized my thoughts, but I am trying to.  Because I am hoping someday to have this conversation with the involved individual.  I have sent her text messages and an email clearly letting her know that I am upset, but that I am leaving it up to her to call me, to make the effort to meet with me.  I feel extremely let down and I feel like it is up to her to reach out to me.  But I'm not optimistic.  Because I really feel she is not one of those people.  And that makes me really sad.