School Night

"Oh, my little girl, you are getting to big! You are growing up so fast!" I can't help but gushing this, or some variant of this,  to my daughter randomly throughout the day. Every day. For at least the past week.
The other day, she responded, "Everybody keeps saying that. You are making me feel old."
I laughed.
"But you are," I said. "You are starting kindergarten soon!"
"But MooOOoom!" she groaned, with at least three syllables. "I'm just a little kid!"

It's true. She is still young. I need to remember that. She is starting big-kid school, but that doesn't make her a big kid yet.

But, tomorrow, a major phase of her life is shifting. She's shifting away from me. For the first time, I am no longer going to be the sole influence in her life.

I can't help but question if I have prepared her enough to be Out There, navigating her newly expanded world without holding my hand. Have I raised her to be confident enough? Strong enough?

I have been trying to make these last few days before school really great days. To end the summer on a high note. Every day for at least the past week, I have tried to find small adventures for us as a family to make that day awesome.

Why did I wait so long to try to make some part of every day the best day ever?

As a stay at home mom, it is so easy to let my daily routine turn into my daily rut. If I am completely honest, it is really hard for me to get excited about my day, most days.

But time keeps barreling on. Days go by so slow, but years go by so fast.

Maybe if someone had told me in the delivery room after she was born that I'd only have approximately 2000 days before sending her off to school, I might have greeted each new day a bit differently.

I am not worried about her education in the slightest. I have the utmost confidence and trust in her teachers and the community of parents we are among. And, let's face it, she's probably the smartest kid since ever.

I get emotional when I think of her navigating the lunchroom. Dealing with bullies. Getting snubbed by girls who won't let her play with them. Being teased. School is so hard! And you are there from kindergarten until, um, the rest of your life.

I just pray that she finds a core group of friends to surround her who will uplift her and make her feel loved and accepted for being herself as we travel these next several years. And that I don't let my fears become hers.

So, Iris, I know you are really excited about going to school tomorrow. And I am, too! I am so excited about the adventures that you will have! When we get there in the morning, I don't want you to cry or anything (I know you won't), but if you wanted to cling to me just a bit longer than necessary when we hug you goodbye, I totally won't mind.