weaning on demand...

I have been making Timm get out of bed to comfort Asher when he wakes up in the middle of the night (which he does typically 2 or 3 times every night).  This is in an effort to avoid the all-night marathon nursing/tantrums when I refuse the all-night marathon nursing.  I would say that this has been fairly successful.  The boy falls back to sleep and will stay in his own bed, and all that.  This is good.  I have gotten more sleep in the past few days than I did for all of October combined (though I haven't actually done any actual calculations to that effect).  Timm has probably gotten significantly less, but it's only fair (though, I might point out, I am the one that wakes up when the baby cries; I am the one who wakes Timm up; I lay in bed awake until Timm comes back; I don't fall back to sleep until I am certain the baby is back to sleep.  Oh, and because Timm is the one getting out of bed, I get up with the kids at the crack of dawn and let him sleep in- which is what I forced Timm to do when it was me doing all the middle of the night care, so I'm sort of returning the favor.  Anyway, I still am not getting much sleep, but it's a significant improvement for me.  Likely a lot less for Timm).

Anyway... I have noticed that Asher has been pretty tantrumy lately.  And he has been wanting to nurse a LOT throughout the day (usually I only nurse him once before bed, first thing in the morning and around naptime).  The past few days he's had his hand down my shirt imploring, "Nu? Nu?" whenever he gets the chance.  And if I tell him, "No, not right now." he has a mini meltdown.  Or if I let him nurse, all he does is twist and turn and perform acrobatic feats while latched on (which is every bit as unpleasant as it sounds).  So I stop the nursing session, which results in a meltdown.  But his tantrums are not limited to wanting to nurse throughout the day... he has a little pathetic (and usually humorous) squeaking squealing fit over just about anything that doesn't go his way.

I have been feeling like if he is going to be weaned at night, he should be weaned during the day, too, right?  But then I found an article that helped to put things in a new perspective.  "If weaning is going too quickly for the child, he'll usually let you know by his behavior. Increased tantrums, regressive behaviors, anxiety, increase in nightwaking, new fear of separation, and clinginess are all possible signs that weaning is going too quickly for your child."  Thank you, La Leche League for that lightbulb moment!  Earlier in the same article, they point out that sometimes simply allowing the child to nurse when he asks, but not offering it when he doesn't, can actually help the weaning process (as opposed to telling him no whenever he asks).

So, starting tomorrow I am no longer going to refuse Asher when he asks to nurse throughout the day.  We'll see how it goes... Maybe he will sleep better at night if he feels more connected during the day.  If this works out well, then we'll have to address his acrobatics.

Oh, and do I need to address the whole "nursing a toddler" thing?  Here's my perspective: the breastfeeding relationship is a personal one.  But, as is the case with so many personal things, people from all sides get really judgy and critical about it.  Yes, I still nurse my 15 month old.  No, I do not nurse him in public (not because I am ashamed, but because he is old enough to amuse himself in other ways when we are away from home and is capable of understanding and waiting till we return home to be comforted at the breast).  My decision to breastfeed was for my children and not some political act.  But I hate that I sometimes feel like I have to downplay my extended breastfeeding depending on who I'm talking to.  Extended breastfeeding was not a decision I made but simply the way our relationship has flowed.  My daughter happily and easily weaned herself at 18 months.  I had always assumed the situation with my son would be similar.  But I am learning every day just how different my 2 children are!  I am adapting.  Yes, I would like for my son to be weaned in the near future, but maybe he will nurse till he's 2... who knows.